Gloomy Though The Sun Shines

I have trouble on days like today.

Days when
the lord has blessed us with uninterrupted sunshine
a brain that works
a heart that beats
a family that's there for us
friends that surround us
a roof that shields us
and food that sustains us

When there's no reason
none whatsoever
to be down
and glum

and yet
somehow
my insecurities
my doubts
my worries
my concerns
my fears
 they all take the lead.

When I can't escape my own head
then I see someone in trouble
and the garbage trucks wake me too early
and the protest down the street rattles my quiet
and a driver gives me the finger while cutting me off on the highway
and I have to have a talk I don't want to have
and I miss my home and I miss my Nanna's home
and I'm sad because it didn't have to go
and I get news that is bad
then go to places I don't want to
and do things I don't want to
with people I don't need around me
because someone says I have bills to pay

And these things...
they all sting more than usual today.
I'm not sure quite why.
It's as if the night tide has changed
though the moon remains the same.
I only know that I have no adequate response today
and that confuses me more.

Then I look for comfort in places that have run out of it
and realize how dumb that move was

So on I trudge, reminding myself that if I make it through the day
I start over again tomorrow

That helps for a moment
but then it resumes being just another odd day.